1 December 2025

...welcome, to the unilateral, unequivocal, undeniable united union of the weekly Elder Battraw letters, where all are sent but none contain the contents of the past week. Speaking of which, this past week was no exception. We also didn't celebrate Thanksgiving because it doesn't exist here! I got to call family which is cool and also didn't have to see all of the horrifically long Instagram and Snapchat stories, yapping about what they're grateful for. And if anybody was grateful for me, my condolences. This past week I also got to give a thorough whooping to other missionaries in the game Settlers of Catan. Normally I don't like the game but I went bananas here. I don't believe it will ever happen again, so I might be retired. We also taught English! The schedules are very weird and irregular, so every class is more of whatever we come up with. We teach both 6th grade and 3rd. Beginning with 6th, they are very lame because they don't listen to us and think about how cool they are instead. So they end up sitting there for an hour. Womp womp. 3rd grade is amazing, however. They all listen attently and are extremely chaotic and disobedient but they will do ANYTHING to play and win a game. So we teach a lot of English to them and we have a great time doing so. Also the Swoley Bible and all connected documents have been privated! I'm compiling them into more of a cohesive work, potentially a book, and adding more to them, editing and fiddling about. Speaking of books, I'm writing a book! And I'm also writing two books! Maybe one of these massive projects that I have no time for will end up progressing in the future. For now, it's slow. Additional headline events: A mean dog bites my toe A mean dog is banished to Outer Darkness I get interviewed by my mission president Pizza 🍕 🤑🤑🤑 Fake news: People write me emails and I diligently respond to all of them Thanks for reading chat! Stay tuned for the next edition of Elder Battraw Doesn't Like Writing Boring Weekly Emails! -Battraw, Elder