This week has been very crazy. It started off with going to the airport and flying down to Atlanta where I met all my district except sister Gibson. We all thought that my companion, elder martineau, wasn't going to make it because we kept waiting and he just wasn't showing up. He ended up showing up when they started boarding the first few groups. The são Paulo airport feels a little like a fever dream. We got there and had zero clue where to go for a few minutes. We were told someone would be there to help us but there wasn't anyone there. We had to depend on sister severo, a sister in my district who knows Portuguese already. We eventually found the people who were supposed to help us and got out of that airport. The first day at mtc was an interesting day. After getting to the são Paulo mtc we had a small nap time that me and the elders in my district used to unpack our suitcases instead of napping. After that we went and had lunch and set up our phones. I was allowed to call my mom after that which was nice. I kind of forget what happened the rest of the day until the devotional towards the end of the day. At the devotional I was trying so hard to stay awake. I failed. I kept catching myself a couple minutes after falling asleep and waking up to try to listen some more. We got to go to the temple on the second day. We went to the one in Campinas which was a two hour drive. It was a beautiful temple. I didn't really know where to go at one point and didnt know where my companion was until some really old Brazilian temple worker literally grabbed me and dragged me around the temple because I couldn't understand a word that he said. After those two days we got into the normal swing of things. The schedule is usually pretty busy but me and my district still find time to have fun. I keep getting american songs stuck in my head. This morning it was grace Kelly by Mika. It's a pretty good song I would recommend listening to it. I have some weird stories already. Someone caught on to the fact that sister severo knew Portuguese already and she got kidnapped one night and transferred to a Brazilian district 😔. We are now down to 7 people in our district. The weirdest story that's email appropriate is probably elder flora calling his calves his baby moo moo milkers. Now it's time for what I've been looking forward to the most. It's time to talk about ties. Tie trading is a huge thing on my floor. My floor is the center of tie trading in the mtc. How it works is that you hang your ties around your shoulders and go up to people and say "troca". We were warned not to say it twice otherwise it means something very different. I got really scammed twice by elder Pinheiro who is a Peruvian elder who can make you think up is down and worthless ties are worth a lot. There's also this tie lady who will stand outside the mtc fence and she sells a lot of ties. They're usually easy to tell which one is a tie lady but my first day I didnt know that they're essentially worthless in the tie trading business. Don't get me wrong they're great ties, they just also have flooded the market. I got to trade a tie today with my portuguese teacher, irmão Casimiro. I did feel a little bad because the tie i traded him doesnt really fit him and it's a tie lady tie. But it is nice and has an angel moroni and his first name is moroni. My Portuguese is improving a lot. There's a lot of missionaries here that speak Portuguese so I'm able to get a lot of practice in. That's all I can think of for now, cya next week.

16 February 2026

Welcome all to the Legendary Weekly Battraw Email! This week will be just a bit briefer than others due to lack of source material. We had a record-breaking 5 baptisms as a branch on Sunday! In the words of Elder Ybarra, "it don't gotta be a long email bro." Elder Watkins is an amazing missionary and should be a leader ASAP! Adieu, and adieu. -Elder Battraw

There really isn't anything interesting to report this week - it has been pretty low key and uneventful. Picture of Jamie with his new buzz cut and picture of Zach with the game he printed on his 3D printer and painted.

9 February 2026

WELCOME back to another week of Elder Battraw Weekly! I hope the voice you read with in your head is that of mine for the next five minutes. Big transfers happened! As expected, Elder Saccatuma was booted from Chota and I'm staying again. He's currently in the jungles of Jaen and a happy boy for it. Cool fact, I'll be hitting months 10 and 11 this transfer! Pretty cool considering I was just trying to make it to 3 months at the start. A lot of goodbyes happened for Elder Saccatuma, and we zipped down to Chiclayo to do transfers and exalt my new companion to Chota. The new lucky boy is Elder Cartagena, a Bolivian! He's cool. And I saw Elder 'O Connell again, that crazy hoser is as beautiful as the day I left him. The AP put me in charge of getting everybody back to Chota, me being the only one there that knew how to get there. Well that was an experience, we had two newer sisters that brought enough suitcases and things to fill the Denver airport baggage claims. It was fun, we called two taxis to carry it all and Big Dale the taxi driver tried to crazy upcharge me. No sir! I learned how to dance the "waino" I believe it's called. Very cool and I will be making sure to preserve this talent for the building up of the kingdom of God. Sulmy and her family accepted a baptismal date (kind of)! Going over soon to confirm this with them but they're doing great. There are many more younger people about to be baptized, as well as Rosas, everybody's favorite grandpa. Pray for them! There are a great many more wonderous and great works that have been brought to pass in this past week, but the end draweth nigh. I hope you all have a wonderful week and keep staying rizzy. -Elder Battraw

2 February 2026

 

"I... am STEVE." That's the moment that changed me forever. Jack Black's performance of Steve was inspiring and will go down in history as one of the great's, just like Heath Ledger's Joker. Fortunately, I recently had the opportunity to have my own "live-action" Minecraft movie. The boys and I got together to move mountains, literally. We had live-action pickaxes and shovels and we mined a mountain down to rubble. I, too, am Steve.

This week was very fast! Monday through Friday felt like two days, Saturday felt like four and Sunday was Sunday. So I suppose it was still the same length as a normal week. Even though it was still seven days, it felt like a Really Cool seven days, a very complete missionary week with service, rain, lessons, miracles, and our friend getting baptized at the end of it! I could go into depth about all of that, but I won't. Instead, here's a Really Cool summary.

The End

It's transfer week I'm probably staying here in the rainy mountains of Chota, my companion is likely leaving to his last area where he will be laid to rest.

Pole

For reasons unknown to man, we move a very long log up a hill and plant it in the ground. Perhaps a confused gardener trying to grow a new tree, perhaps an elaborate prank. Regular surveillance will be kept on it.

The Great Dance Battle of '26

Elder Watkins vs. Elder Battraw- Elder Watkins wins with a forbidden technique, the "Donald Trump YMCA." Onlookers report lightning and thunder on-scene.

Minecraft Dog

A cube-shaped dog is spotted in a local suburb of Chota. 4 bones were offered, they unfortunately proved ineffective.

The Chota World Cup

We were lucky enough to witness the greatest match of soccer we may ever see. There was betrayal, friendships formed, goals scored, injuries, and undoubtedly core memories made. 

I tell the tale of Big Blue, a middle aged man fighting to make a name for himself. As the name suggests, he wears blue, and thinks himself big. He comes, he plays, he leaves all the wiser.

This particular match was the grand finals. The score was 1-1, only a few minutes remaining. The hero of our story is a backup to a backup player, but with the high level of violence and injuries in this match, it was his grand opportunity to shine. He takes the field with thunder and quickly has the ball in his possesion. The opposing team is pressuring him but makes the fatal error of brushing him as they pass by. He was waiting for this very moment.

A small smile grows on his lips. With a bloodcurdling scream, he does a full olympic acrobatic routine, ending with a QUADRUPLE backflip, landing on his back. Heroically clutching his leg, he rocks back and forth, face clutched in potent agony. Medics rush the field- they find no injury at all, save for grass stains on his beautiful blue shorts. The ref gives no foul, to which Big Blue is enraged. After his polished Oscar-worthy performance, he will not stand for this disgrace.

He charges the ref, and after a few curt words, the ref is ejected from the game and the penalty for injuring our hero is a first in all of soccer history- a point penalty. The score now stands at 1-0, Big Blue's favor. With only a 10 seconds left, there was no hope of a comeback. The sidelines charge Big Blue and give him the traditional Sporade shower, and he is carried off into the sunset with a trophy in hand.

Piano

I played piano pretty well on Sunday

Pushups

Cool goal hit! Finishing the month of January of just over 10k pushups total. Cool pushups stats:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1DBeE3TYke-qN2r7RK-GUBfwVw4WPWz_gfnyuBxKUvBs/edit?usp=drivesdk

That's all for Battraw: Weekly. Cya next time, stay fly!

-Elder Battraw

26 January 2026

 Welcome back to the uniquely excellent weekly email of Elder Battraw! Every day brings change. My phone can't even recognize my fingerprint anymore.

We have been growing ripe with trunkiness this past week. I offer unto you all a modern parable-

Once upon a time, there was a group of missionaries. They all got together one morning and cut a tree down. The end!

This is actually a true story and evidence is available here:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/1ngGPb1awSYj1DL36

I hope you all learned something from that modern parable. Just like with our stubborn trunks and trunkiness, we just gotta get together with our friends and cut it down and out of our lives. If you don't have friends, then no worries, go on a mission and you'll make lots of them. 

Other nice events that happened this week, because pday is not long enough to write then all out in detail-

The End of the World:

Major city in Perú is smitten with plagues and afflictions

Hazardous Hopping:

Elder Battraw nearly gets sent home for injuries while parkouring through river boulders

Movie Moment:

We had a lit movie night last monday with our friends and converts, watched Joseph Smith, Prophet of the Restoration, tears were shed and it was excellent. As well as cookies

Super Sleepover:

The secretaries of the mission visited us and we had a Super Sleepover Party Bash. Would recommend

Crafts and Construction:

I built an amazing new cardboard house for a convert's new baby rabbit, ears included

The Return of Richard:

Richard comes back????? And he kindly invited us for a bite to eat and a sip to drink, which we politely rain-checked him to avoid 1. wasting time and 2. being sacrificed to demons

Anti-Anti:

A man speaks all manner of blashpemies and apostate statements to us, we kindly smile and chuckle

Tree Triumph:

We successfully topple the king of the mountain tree from somebody's backyard, Elder Watkins avoids imminent destruction by the measure of one pinky toe

Practice Makes Perfect:

I practice the wrong song for sacrament meeting only for God to come in and save the day in a miraculous manner 

That's all for this week- don't cry that it's over, be happy that it happened

-Elder Battraw

19 January 2026

Hello to everyone that still has ears to hear, eyes to read, and hearts to still care about what these weekly emails are all about! Another week has passed and now I have the great task of trying to make what I do daily seem entertaining. Here's a quick headliner of the cool things that happened. -Pushups Prowess Saturday I hit 1000 pushups in one day -Bull Brawl We sprint past a bull in our path, nearly get poked -Barf Bus My comp throws up four times on the comby on the way to Cutervo -Animal Attacks We nearly get clapped by the local dog gangs, pass by kittens, bulls, dogs, pigs, and guinea pigs within 5 minutes -Bingo Boys We play the finest game of Bingo this century has seen, only to get robbed by the announcer -Drunk Drama A potentially posessed returning friend comes back drunk and prophesies all manner of blasphemies and witchcrafts- "Experience, requires... SACRIFICE." -Consecrated Convert Maryelis is the Lebron James of missionary work, she has put in more hours visiting and working in the past week than the rest of the branch has in the past month -Crippling Comparison I get called a nerd and "the kid from the Polar Express with the yellow shirt" -Relentless Rain It rains for 5 days non-stop here in Chota But that's all for this week- stay tuned for the next one 😎