16 February 2026

Welcome all to the Legendary Weekly Battraw Email! This week will be just a bit briefer than others due to lack of source material. We had a record-breaking 5 baptisms as a branch on Sunday! In the words of Elder Ybarra, "it don't gotta be a long email bro." Elder Watkins is an amazing missionary and should be a leader ASAP! Adieu, and adieu. -Elder Battraw

There really isn't anything interesting to report this week - it has been pretty low key and uneventful. Picture of Jamie with his new buzz cut and picture of Zach with the game he printed on his 3D printer and painted.

9 February 2026

WELCOME back to another week of Elder Battraw Weekly! I hope the voice you read with in your head is that of mine for the next five minutes. Big transfers happened! As expected, Elder Saccatuma was booted from Chota and I'm staying again. He's currently in the jungles of Jaen and a happy boy for it. Cool fact, I'll be hitting months 10 and 11 this transfer! Pretty cool considering I was just trying to make it to 3 months at the start. A lot of goodbyes happened for Elder Saccatuma, and we zipped down to Chiclayo to do transfers and exalt my new companion to Chota. The new lucky boy is Elder Cartagena, a Bolivian! He's cool. And I saw Elder 'O Connell again, that crazy hoser is as beautiful as the day I left him. The AP put me in charge of getting everybody back to Chota, me being the only one there that knew how to get there. Well that was an experience, we had two newer sisters that brought enough suitcases and things to fill the Denver airport baggage claims. It was fun, we called two taxis to carry it all and Big Dale the taxi driver tried to crazy upcharge me. No sir! I learned how to dance the "waino" I believe it's called. Very cool and I will be making sure to preserve this talent for the building up of the kingdom of God. Sulmy and her family accepted a baptismal date (kind of)! Going over soon to confirm this with them but they're doing great. There are many more younger people about to be baptized, as well as Rosas, everybody's favorite grandpa. Pray for them! There are a great many more wonderous and great works that have been brought to pass in this past week, but the end draweth nigh. I hope you all have a wonderful week and keep staying rizzy. -Elder Battraw

2 February 2026

 

"I... am STEVE." That's the moment that changed me forever. Jack Black's performance of Steve was inspiring and will go down in history as one of the great's, just like Heath Ledger's Joker. Fortunately, I recently had the opportunity to have my own "live-action" Minecraft movie. The boys and I got together to move mountains, literally. We had live-action pickaxes and shovels and we mined a mountain down to rubble. I, too, am Steve.

This week was very fast! Monday through Friday felt like two days, Saturday felt like four and Sunday was Sunday. So I suppose it was still the same length as a normal week. Even though it was still seven days, it felt like a Really Cool seven days, a very complete missionary week with service, rain, lessons, miracles, and our friend getting baptized at the end of it! I could go into depth about all of that, but I won't. Instead, here's a Really Cool summary.

The End

It's transfer week I'm probably staying here in the rainy mountains of Chota, my companion is likely leaving to his last area where he will be laid to rest.

Pole

For reasons unknown to man, we move a very long log up a hill and plant it in the ground. Perhaps a confused gardener trying to grow a new tree, perhaps an elaborate prank. Regular surveillance will be kept on it.

The Great Dance Battle of '26

Elder Watkins vs. Elder Battraw- Elder Watkins wins with a forbidden technique, the "Donald Trump YMCA." Onlookers report lightning and thunder on-scene.

Minecraft Dog

A cube-shaped dog is spotted in a local suburb of Chota. 4 bones were offered, they unfortunately proved ineffective.

The Chota World Cup

We were lucky enough to witness the greatest match of soccer we may ever see. There was betrayal, friendships formed, goals scored, injuries, and undoubtedly core memories made. 

I tell the tale of Big Blue, a middle aged man fighting to make a name for himself. As the name suggests, he wears blue, and thinks himself big. He comes, he plays, he leaves all the wiser.

This particular match was the grand finals. The score was 1-1, only a few minutes remaining. The hero of our story is a backup to a backup player, but with the high level of violence and injuries in this match, it was his grand opportunity to shine. He takes the field with thunder and quickly has the ball in his possesion. The opposing team is pressuring him but makes the fatal error of brushing him as they pass by. He was waiting for this very moment.

A small smile grows on his lips. With a bloodcurdling scream, he does a full olympic acrobatic routine, ending with a QUADRUPLE backflip, landing on his back. Heroically clutching his leg, he rocks back and forth, face clutched in potent agony. Medics rush the field- they find no injury at all, save for grass stains on his beautiful blue shorts. The ref gives no foul, to which Big Blue is enraged. After his polished Oscar-worthy performance, he will not stand for this disgrace.

He charges the ref, and after a few curt words, the ref is ejected from the game and the penalty for injuring our hero is a first in all of soccer history- a point penalty. The score now stands at 1-0, Big Blue's favor. With only a 10 seconds left, there was no hope of a comeback. The sidelines charge Big Blue and give him the traditional Sporade shower, and he is carried off into the sunset with a trophy in hand.

Piano

I played piano pretty well on Sunday

Pushups

Cool goal hit! Finishing the month of January of just over 10k pushups total. Cool pushups stats:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1DBeE3TYke-qN2r7RK-GUBfwVw4WPWz_gfnyuBxKUvBs/edit?usp=drivesdk

That's all for Battraw: Weekly. Cya next time, stay fly!

-Elder Battraw